Thom Barthelmess, Whatcom County Library System - The Value of Books to Help Young People Face Loss of Family & Friends
Our speaker noted that one out of seven young people will experience the death of a parent or family member before the age of 20.
How can adults help children cope with this?
Thom talked about the role of books and reading in both assisting young people learn and understand about death and to facilitate a conversation with them about death and dying. He labeled it as “BiblioTherapy”.
Talking to children about death and dying is critical – at all ages. He noted that there is an extraordinary body of excellent books that speak to death. He and others often do longer presentations in the community and welcomed all to attend.
Thom walked through the ability of youth to understand death and dying by different developmental ages.
Toddlers don’t’ understand death. Our inclination is to protect them. However, they still know something is wrong. If we don’t speak to them about someone who is dying or has died, they will be become more confused.
Pre-Schoolchildren may get the idea someone is gone but don’t understand that death is permanent. There are a number of books that adults can use to facilitate a conversation with them – which are listed below
Children ages 8-9 can randomly assign something they did and then tell themselves this was the cause of death of a parent or a loved one. He called it magical thinking. This self blame is harmful and children need clear and cogent communications to help them understand.
Adolescents seek meaning, want control and test limits. Participating in rituals such as a funeral service helps.
Thom next walked through a series of books for each of these age groups as part of the the “BibiloTherapy”.
He noted that, for a lot of children, their first experience is with the loss of a pet. He recommended a number of books, including “Big Cat”, “Saying Goodbye to LuLu” and “The Scar”. For slightly older kids, he talked about “Heart of the Shepherd” (about a grandfather that dies in a wildfire) and “Lost in the Sun”.
For teenaged children, he recommended “13 Reasons Why” (a book about suicide), “Fault in our Stars (a book about two teens with cancer that meet in a treatment program), Love Letters”, “The Serpent King” (very emotional) and “Prairie Thief” (Dad is in chemotherapy).
Thom also recommended “After the Kill (about death as part of living in the natural world), “Deadline” (an 18 year old with cancer does not want to tell his parents and has this legal right since he is 18), “Eight Days” (about a catastrophe in Chile, “This is Where it Ends”, “The Journey, “Maybe a Fox”, “Tree in the Courtyard” and “Denton’s Little Death Date (in which everyone knows the exact date of their death).
All of these books and others are listed on the WCLS web site.
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